Guaraná Brazilia

Posted: September 3rd, 2010 | No Comments
Packaging
“The Best From Brazil” is setting the bar pretty high especially when there is some kind of Arabic language on the side of the can and it says bottled in New Jersey. I’m guessing this bev will be supermodel free. Oh great, the serving size is one can, check.

Smell
A slight smell of suntan oil and deadly parana. It attacks your senses as soon as you pop open this yellow and red beauty. Smells like red bull, but who doesn’t these days.

Taste
There is almost no flavour here… now I am confused, this is supposed to be the best? bah. They have a long way to go until they reach Guaraná Antarctica caliber soda.

Price
It was just a buck for this Guaranana..na.na.  That’s probably like a million of those little Brazilian dollars.


4

Whiteway’s – Peardrax

Posted: September 1st, 2010 | No Comments
Packaging
“For best taste – drink by date on bottle” makes me think there should be a date somewhere on the bottle, there isn’t. Should I be worried? Naw this under-the-counter pear medicine should be safe right? There are some weird dots at the bottom, maybe it’s braille. Blindies drink non-alco bevs too, am I right?

Smell
There is almost a beer smell to this drax.  Maybe it was just a beer bottle in a former life.

Taste
When I thought to myself the other day what drinking a pear would be like, this beverage really nailed it. Bravo. The part I didn’t think about was why would anybody drink a pear. Yeesh.

Price
At the reasonable price of $1 you could drink two of these for $2, cause everything is better in pears.


4

Tiger Malt

Posted: August 31st, 2010 | No Comments
Packaging
This is a pretty cool looking bottle. You can’t go wrong with a headshot of a tiger on the front (non-golfing tigers of course).

Smell
The smell of this beverage is seriously disgusting. I really cannot put into words how bad this is. I thought maybe because I was a non beer drinker that it was just me, but several beer-drinking-co-workers agreed with me.

Taste
One word… Gagreflex.  At first you squirm and then you hope it stays down.  I think I just figured out where the malt comes out of the tiger. heellloo.

Price
It was only a dollar but I feel a much bigger donation should be made to poor factory workers making this stuff. Their nostrils must be on strike, if they still have them.


1

Inca Kola – The Golden Kola

Posted: August 26th, 2010 | No Comments
Packaging
This can is one giant auto-spell-check failure. Where was the little paperclip when they needed him? This packaging makes me hesitant, but who can resist shiny gold? I suspect no one.

Smell
Either the smell of a Red Bull has permanently nestled itself in my nose hairs again or this beverage has been improperly labeled. Smells like a fruity energy drink.

Taste
Once you get over the radiator fluid green color, the taste is pleasantly ok.  It’s like a mix of about 6 different beverages, unfortunately the worse flavor of the mix sticks around.  It’s marketed perfectly as a gag kola.

Price
It was a dollar per ounce. Ten more and I can retire in Peru.

3

Amp Energy Juice – Mixed Berry

Posted: August 24th, 2010 | No Comments
Packaging
You’ve got to give it to the amp people for producing such an oddly shaped beverage dispenser. The colors make me sad. I’m surprised to see 100% juice contains so many other crazy ingredients (I guess we’re rounding up, who isn’t).

Smell
The smell hits you, it’s pretty strong for an energy juice. Think strong like spandex and triceps.

Taste
This is not your grandma’s energy juice.  Your brain is thinking ‘juice’ your tongue is thinking ‘whaaaattt?’  I’m having a hard time finding words for this one.  It looks like it should be delicious but it isn’t, however, I cannot stop drinking it.

Price
This juice probably cost more than it should.

2
Sponsored by Saad Tazi.

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